Hybrid Poem

My mother is devoted to her daughter
That much is clear
She used to smoke
As I work my dead end job
I fear I will never amount to more
As I age, the fear of aloneness grows
Although not reaching the dread of a few years ago
My parents were unable to fully equip me for real life
All they taught was careerism
Not all the ins and outs of people
I do hope they don't see this
I paid for features, I was unable to snooze
The alcohol amounts to so many missed memories
As does the pot
Though the other drugs do not
Calling up all the collected fears
My mother does the best she can for me
We are, together, bringing me back out of the morass
My job is semi-ok
But does not pay near enough
Fight for Fifteen!
I am single lo these many years
With but very few ultra short term affairs
The longest being a sexless month
Phantoms haunt me less than in years past;
Though they still wreak occasional destruction
But no, that was unkind people, not phantoms
Some dreams are doomed, some are of substance
Some deals go down without warning
Grave slurs on the male name stalk me when I try to reach out
Mainly 'creepy' and 'stalker,' for no reason
I take great care to respect boundaries,
Yet it makes no difference
People are two-faced
Not to be outdone, he took his business elsewhere
This city is cruel to outsiders and the mentally ill
My neighbor tells me internet dating will be a great help
I have yet to get around to it
I do not fit the conventional mold though;
So I am skeptical whether it will work
Reasoned responses and time to think
Needing to move far slower than I would like
My sister is a perpetrator of these neuroses
My mother has no comment on them
And I do not share them with my father
Some friends and acquaintances agree that
	I was treated very unfairly in this last round
We All the Small Ones chimed in to say, "it was ever
	thus and so, or so and thus, yet see disclaimer
	and terms of service."
My mother read to us and sang us lullabies
Yet we played video games
And lived far from all our friends
Due to the magnet school effect
But that gave me more exposure to black people than the
	average bear
I will admit I have made some mistakes with women
Yet this last, I was totally in line with stated preferences
I wish I did not keep coming back to this
Did not feel the urge to explain myself
But slanders may be following me
And I have no way of addressing them back
Perhaps it is like Br'er Rabbit and the Tar Baby [? not use ?]
No sympathy for the devil
In the articulata of an egocentric thought
My mother and father both cooked for us
My mother and father both cleaned
Although Dad mainly put away and organized
Mom did the rest
Dad had the bad habit of screaming at her in anger
Mom had trouble keeping up with business
We are procrastinators
Some dreams go unpunished
But not mine
What else would I like to add?
Only that I am innocent of all serious allegations
Everyone makes mistakes
Mine have haunted me more than is fair
The lies stalk me
I have no recourse
But to continue, and try again

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