Trying to quit again (again#again$again@again:::_} day 1 (well, I bummed 3 at intensive outpatient this morning) … Is not the best time to try to push productivity into high gear. Or handle important appointment making and court stuff :;

Zen koans do not necessarily make for the best therapeutic readings (although I don’t really know what others thought, the one I landed on was unusually opaque to me) .. (disliked the 2 readings books I had to choose from.. Will bring something from home not deoxy.org/koan/random tomorrow)

Negative feelings & internal pressure are amplified in grips of nic fiending, although it may seem they’re naturally that way until you give up or get a smoke

The Louisville Review, the issue I have anyway, does not print abstract poetry. But perhaps my work would be welcomed as a change of pace, not discarded out of hand. (but they don’t pay, so I’ll have to cook something new, since last round is waiting on response from paying journals) [but I live in Louisville, you see]

Prayer can help. So can writing and hypnosis and meditation and mantra. But you need a good enough connection to the practice to toggle to it against a nic fit. Preemptive prayer… Of course my intentions are on all different things most days, not focusing in on quitting smoke. Not least because having rediscovered the first cig rush, I want to continue, just at 1 a day or less.

For a former smoker limited smoking is marginally possible, but only if you bum.&/v.buy single cigarettes, not packs. Cannot just have it anytime you want. Must wait for the option to appear.

As the nicotine patch booklet says, it is key to remember that cravings always pass. Also, there is such a thing as Nicotine Anonymous (NicA) [have not checked to see if here yet] 

Recently found out that l-lysine has a calming effect. Anti-anxiety. It is a serotonin antagonist after some fashion in the gut &/v the amygdala. Particularly at 5HT-4 (5HT is serotonin) receptors. Had seen it at the store many times, but always dismissed it as useless w/o looking it up. It works, id say… Like all amino acids (incl 5 hour energy) effects are most likely to be palpable & useful on an empty stomach, and dramatic effects are unlikely to last more than a few days if used consecutively.

Limited science appears to show that less than 10% of people get enough dietary choline. Choline is technically non-essential since the body can make it, but the body on almost any diet is incapable of producing nearly enough. Almost all diets have inadequate exogenous choline as well.

The absence of remembered dreams… Setting pre-bed intent to remember and note them works.. {can just note down keywords, not entire narrative. Far quicker}

Trump is unexpectedly in striking distance. FBI director Comey yesterday said the Weiner/Abedin emails are not worth investigating.

Nerves frizzle & turn again to smoke.

To be continued…

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